


10 Tips For Gay New Year's Resolutions!

by BarbaraKaterina



Series: 2018 Holiday fics [7]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, First Meetings, M/M, New Year's Resolutions, don't make decisions while you're hungover, it's Laurent who ruins's Damen's plans for once, silliness, silly lists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 02:56:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17296415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarbaraKaterina/pseuds/BarbaraKaterina
Summary: Damen finds a list while scrolling through his social media, and decides it sounds like just the thing to fix his life.In his defense, he is really hungover.





	10 Tips For Gay New Year's Resolutions!

Damen was lying in bed, his eyes still bleary owing to his New Year’s hangover, and mindlessly scrolling through social media. 

He wasn’t the only one not in best shape, though, and so there was little enough interesting to be seen except for some drunken pictures from last night parties. He switched from Instagram to Twitter in the hopes that the celebrities he followed there would have their life a little bit more together than he did, though that was perhaps a bit naive of him. Bored, he scrolled through the pile of nothing when he came across an article with “new year resolution tips for gay guys”. He frowned t it. Well, he has been thinking that after the disaster the autumn has been, he really needed some good resolutions to get his life together, and he could do with some inspiration. Maybe the article would work for bi guys, too?

He clicked.

Number one: come out at home.

Well. It wasn’t that he kept it a secret exactly, but he had never dated a guy long-term before, and so he kind of felt like there was no need to inform his father. His dad wasn’t exactly homophobic, but he was conservative enough that he would probably have some issues with Damen being with a guy, especially when he knew Damen could date women just as easily.

Hm. Maybe he could start with something easier?

Number two: I’ll take on the active role in rimming.

He grinned. Well, that sounded much better, especially combined with number three, sleep with thirty people. He knew he should probably avoid relationships for a while now, the mess with Jokaste being so recent, and casual hookups were a nice solution to that. It was two or three people per months, which was perfectly doable, but still, he knew how it was with resolutions. Better start early. Not today – his head hurt too much – but tomorrow was definitely a good evening to start, and he had the rest of the week off work, so no need to be responsible.

Brilliant.

He ran his eyes over the rest of the list. He rolled his eyes at the insistence that every gay man should want a nice purse – he was definitely skipping that one – and frowned at the resolution to get a boyfriend that year. But, after all, why not? If he worked on it hard, he could the thirty hookups out fo the way in the first half a year – maybe nine months – and then focus on actually finding a stable relationship. In fact, it sounded like a good way to ensure he didn’t spend more than a year getting over Jokaste. All right, what was next?

Fighting for gay rights...it seemed going to Pride counted, so he was set. Getting tested was definitely a good idea if he went through thirty hookups. He wasn’t on any dating sites, but he supposed Grindr _would_ make the thirty hookups easier, and – he allowed himself a little smug smile – he certainly had no reason to lie on there, so he had no trouble promising he wouldn’t.

He blinked a little at resolution number nine – he had honestly never had any hopes for One Direction members’ sexuality – but it was number ten that really got him where it hurt.

I won’t let any guy treat me badly, no matter how hot he is.

Well. After what he had let Jokaste get away with, he certainly needed that one. That was it, then. His plan for 2019 was all set.

-

The following night found him in his favourite gay bar, looking around for someone interesting to start his tally.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Just a few minutes after his arrival, he spotted the most gorgeous guy he had ever seen leaning on the bar, rebuffing the attempts of a rather sleazy looking older guy. Damen decided that playing a knight in shining armour was the best start he was going to get, and so he approached, flexed his muscles and asked: “Hey, is this man bothering you?”

The gorgeous blonde looked up to him and said: “Yes, but so are you.”

Damen was actually a little offended. “Hey, come on! I came over to be helpful.”

“I am sure,” the man muttered.

“This just won’t do, you know,” Damen pointed out, thinking of his list. “I made a new year’s resolution not to let guys treat me terribly, not matter how hot, and you’re doing just that.”

The man turned an incredulous look at him. “You actually followed that bullshit?”

Damen brightened. “You read it too?”

The man flushed a little. “It was shared by a legitimate account...but I didn’t think anyone could actually take it seriously. Let me guess, you’re here to get an early start on your thirty conquests.”

Damen flushed much darker than the man had before, and muttered: “For all you know, I could be looking for a boyfriend.”

Instead of an answer, the man gave a pointed look to their surrounding, which, fair enough.

The man then shifted his eyes to him, though, and gave him a considering look. “So, how are you with resolution number two?”

“Enthusiastic!” Damen replied immediately.

“Very well,” the man said with a sigh, as if he was doing him a large favour, “I might be willing to assist you.”

-

For Christmas that year, Laurent gave Damen a beautiful purse, with the comment that while it might not exactly count as saving up for it, he hoped it would still help compensate for the fact that Laurent had prevented him from achieving the thirty hookups mark, the only other unfulfilled resolution from his list. After all, while not quite reaching the number might be understandable, only managing one was really just embarrassing.

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this bit of silliness was the most ridiculous list of new years resolutions I’ve ever seen, from a Czech gay website (nakluky.cz), from an article with the same name as this story. Like Laurent and Damen, I found it while scrolling through my twitter, because, yes, it was shared by a legit LGBT+ news account. Here it is translated in its fullness:
> 
> 1\. I’ll come out at home  
> 2\. I’ll take on the active role in rimming  
> 3\. I’ll sleep with thirty people  
> 4\. I’ll save money for a nice purse  
> 5\. I’ll get a boyfriend  
> 6\. I’ll fight for gay rights  
> 7\. I’ll get tested  
> 8\. I’ll put my real age, weight and height on dating sites  
> 9\. I’ll come to terms with the fact that no one from One Direction is gay or bi  
> 10\. I won't let any guy treat me badly, no matter how hot he is
> 
> Obviously, this looks like something Damen would follow, so this was the result.


End file.
